Sea and Skum

The air is astonishingly clear and everything is either brilliant blue, green or one of Norway's five approved colors: brick red, mustard yellow, white, pale blue or dark green (there we go with the blues and greens again. I wonder how politicians worked these restrictions out centuries ago.

Hurtigruten

Rearrange the letters and and translate you get "geriatric floating city." This NOT the mailboat we'd imagined. Crystal chandeliers? This concept could revive the US Postal System.
Chuck is a fabulously good sport but Lauren has made me promise "no more cruises."
The landscape is astonishingly like the Pacific Northwest and not a Norwegian sweater to be seen outside the gift shop.
Clarke and Lisa join us Tuesday in Helsinki and we head off to St. Petersburg - on a boat, again. Uff, da!

Norge National Sports

Passing through Lillehammer - the site of the Winter Olympics just outside of Oslo - we were reminded how athletic everyone is here at any age - actively walking, hiking, biking, climbing all over the city. In the winter everyone must cross country ski since it is a "national right."
And there is this wonderful attitude toward public art and performance. Here's a staircase built out of 2x4s by students. And while his electric car is charging, this fellow practices, ties his "slack rope" up to the railing and teaches Lauren a step or two. Meanwhile, Chuck works on perfecting his "under bridge trolling" and daily tripping exercises. They have these 2" curbs EVERYWHERE and in the most unexpected places...

I didn't know reindeer were real

Too much believing. Too many little hoofs pattering on rooftops. Too many red-nosed Rudolph songs. When they served us reindeer meat (the black stuff in the center of the plate) Lauren exclaimed, "I didn't that reindeer were actually real."

Gratulerer med bryllupsdagen

We lost a day in route, so almost forgot!
The whole family was at the wedding at City Hall last August 22. So how about a honeymoon with them a year later?

ME to WE

Lauren realizes the power of WE as she also discovers that Scandinavia is filled with "my peeps" - healthy, backpacking, legging-wearing, blond, blue-eyed beautiful people.
Chuck and I discover apartment buildings lined up like barcodes, helpful translations and that ABBA has her own museum.

Kaviar Toothpaste

We get the full smorgasbørd breakfast of kaviar and salmon, chocolate marble cake, four kinds of organic-orange yolk eggs ( the chickens eat lots of kale), cheeses and four kind of rye crisp. Heading off to the train across Norway to Trondheim then to take the Hurtigruten (LOVE the sound if that word) mailboat down the coast to Bergen.

Too many vowels

We're been having a great time mispronouncing every street name and loving listening to the lilting accents of all Norwegians we meet. Even the word "OK" is filled with an enthusiasm and eagerness that you don't hear in California. Chuck quietly chucked as our airplane pilot made his announcements in grammatically perfect english, with a scandinavian accent with SERIOUS Texas overtones. I can only imagine what I would sound like pronouncing anything with do many vowels.
After walking thru a lovely park by the castle, we took a 2 hour urban trek to see a phenomenal sculpture garden ( every human emotion carved in stone) we reversed our steps and found dinner Mattenhaus. - a converted factory turned a thriving, local, organic marketplace with pop-up restaurants (think SF Ferry Building). "International street food."
The question today from Lauren:
What makes Oslo distinctive?

They set off together...

Actually it's all three of us setting off with a blithe sense of vrong doink. Chuck (aka Karl) is already working on his nordic accents as Lauren does gymnastics on BART and records the shriek of the rails. Good omen: we ran into the cyclin' Max Baumhefner at the Montgomery BART station. By the schizoid way we were dressed he could not begin to guess where we were going.
We're looking forward to acting out Munch's "The Scream" after our 11 hour flight.

So it started out in Italy...

The story goes: We had SUCH a wonderful time sweating through the infernal heat of Rome one August many years ago with Lisa and Clarke, that Lisa invited us up to the Northern Climes this summer. And CLIMBS it will be for recently-turned expert-mountaineer-Clarke with his mere 8 pounds of tent, sleeping bag, parka, pack and food. He'll be accompanied by sister Lauren in Iceland and then head into the unpronounceable "Land of the Giants" while Lisa pursues her artist-in-residency program near Helsinki.
Chuck,Lauren and I arrive early to do "Norway in a Nutshell" then we all five meet up for an all night ferry ride (think lotsa vodka) arriving in St.Petersburg in the morning. No hangovers for us Pushkin lovers, we'll be off to see "The Venice of the North" on foot and stand in awe of The Hermitage Collection. Lisa also has some quirky museums lined up for us. They do have other museums there AND a Paper Arts Exhibition.
On this trip, I'm determined to find at least one bit of laundry, two babushka ladies, three laughing children, four onion churches, five oz. caviar, six stoly vodkas, seven sad madonnas and a least one pair of nose-up Norwegian trolls.

French Flea market in Sonoma

Blog followers, since we are spending the summer right here in California, we are happily seeking adventures right in our own backyard. Last weekend, Chateau Sonoma hosted 30 vendors from France, etsy (bracelets made from baseballs, many repurposed delights) and places unknown whilst offering food, limonade and wine served by beautiful ladies - some with charming french accents. And then there was the raspy throated hurdy-gurdy man cranking away. Can't wait for the next one.

Right in the Center

Forget those affectionate Glamour Goddesses on the left. The Lady with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress...lady with the blue dress on is our Golden Ticket to the Oscars, Lauren. And the gawking imported interlopers to the right of Will Smith are the dazzled parental units.
Gotta get rid of the orange and brown. Clashes with the carpet.

PITY THE BEAUTIFUL

Our friend, Dana Gioia, wrote a poem. I memorized it for the Academy Awards. 
This year it seems most appropriate.

Pity the Beautiful

Pity the beautiful
The dolls and the dishes,
The babes with Big Daddies 
Granting their wishes.

The hotties, the knockouts
The tens out of ten,
The drop-dead gorgeous,
The great leading men.

Pity the pretty boys,
The hunks, the Apollos,
The golden lads
Who success always follows.

Pity the faded, 
the bloated, the blousey,
The paunchy Adonis
Whose luck's gone lousy. 

Pity the gods
No longer divine.
Pity the night
The stars do not shine. 

And I would add:

Pity the botoxed
Whose faces are frozen
The wrinkled, the aging,
The no longer chosen.

Pity Kim Novak
And daugher of Judy,
The butt of cruel jabs
From youthful and snooty.




 

And we want to thank...

Miss Lauren Selman for making all the OTRC (On The Red Carpet) Magic happen. The Academy thanks you, your Family thanks you and your Friends adore you.

Oscar statistics

This year will change all this a bit.

Ready for the Camera, Mister DeMille

That large hulking thing on the marquee of the El Capitan is not NSA approved. But we are ready for our close-ups (especially me with my Lucille Ball color).

About to begin

We arrived, got our credentials, SWAG bags, hair done, massages and lunch and are ready to watch Lauren, as Lindsay says, "Large and in CHARGE."

Oscar Optimism

So here's the indoor Red Carpet at midnight last night after we previewed the Governor's Ball. For the beautiful*, it's a long and luxurious walk up the ramp, waving at the throng of fans and gracefully ascending the stairs (no tripping in those gowns, please).

*see the next blog post for a poetic rendition

The night before the Oscars

We got to preview the Governor's Ball (they have a "dress rehearsal" to be sure the decor is dazzling, food perfect, waiters on point, champagne and signature drinks sparkling, etc). Lauren escorted me through this Cinderella experience. Took photos with my eyes and heart since no cameras are allowed ( imagine an enchanted garden for the stars under the stars - with walls made of living, fragrant plants). I know that I will never forget it.

Hard to tell

It's a week of producers, directors, make-up and hairstyling artists, and casually clad (brilliant) animators. For us backwater folk, most are either hard to distinguish or have no glamorous but determined trophy wives (of either gender) ferociously guarding them. John Williams conducting the Oscar Concert was not a Celebrity Sighting but a Legend Sighting.
However, wherever we go: No photos allowed. "Enjoy the experience. Text about it later." That encourages grand storytelling, which is what this is all about.